Help?

I'm scared. I'm stressed. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm depressed. I'm sad. I'm heartbroken. I'm lonely. I'm confused. I'm stuck. I'm trapped.

I just want your support. If you were there from the beginning, regardless of how much we couldn't stand each other, we would've been better off.

I hate to say it but I do need you more than ever now. And I know you don't want a child, and you don't truly believe she's yours but I need you. I'm tired of you thinking I'm just crazy, and out to stir up trouble w you.

I'm just scared and I need you here. That's all I'm asking for.

I need you to promise you'll never leave her side and you'll never put anything or anybody before her.
I need you to promise me you're always going to love her and you're never going to question it.

I just hope and pray she doesn't feel my pain. I hope and pray she doesn't stay awake with me on those lonely nights I cry to myself. I hope and pray that when she comes out, she doesn't become a pathetic mess like me.
Its a shame because I feel like she's already disappointed in me even though she hasn't even been born yet. Hopefully she'll love me under no conditions and she'll love me through my darkest moments.

God, Allah, whatever you're called. I know there's a higher power I'm connected to out there, I never asked for your blessings regularly. Its shallow of me to ask for it now just because I need it but I don't know what to do or who to ask or who to turn to. I've never been this lost in my life and vulnerable. I have nobody. I've been stripped bare. And if I fall, I have nobody to lean on. The one thing I ask from you if you can help me is the strength.

I'm slowly losing my mind and when it comes to speaking it, I'm at a loss for words. I shut down. I let others get the best of me. I'm tired of being misunderstood. The last thing I want to come off being is a victim. Victims are weak.

There's no love in my life. The only love I feel is still dim and growing inside of me. Where there is no love, there is no strength. I'm weak.

I hate asking for this. These 4 letters are like profanity to me.

But I need help.